Dick of the Week
Elton John Plays Israel, Rush Limbaugh’s Wedding. Moral Ambassador Or Shrewd Shill?
Amy Rose Spiegel :: Friday, June 18th, 2010 4:00 pm
Sir Elton John, you dick! John is fresh off of his second controversial performance in as many weeks. After playing Rush Limbaugh’s wedding for $1 million last week, which rightly drew harsh criticism from gay-rights advocates, he performed yesterday in Tel Aviv. Between songs, he took the time to lambast musicians who have recently canceled shows in Israel due to escalating international conflict. I don’t remember him courting quite so much controversy when my parents brought me to see him for my seventh birthday, but then again, I tried to remain impartial to the Israel-Palestine conflict back then. MORE »
Dick of the Week
Dick of the Week: M.I.A.
Amy Rose Spiegel :: Friday, May 28th, 2010 2:35 pm
M.I.A. (or Maya, or /\/\/\Y/\, or 8====D), you dick! Over the course of the past year or so, M.I.A. has been many things: political pundit, designer of weird, geometric leggings, pregnant, champion against the ginger race — you get the picture.
Recently, she’s done many things in what appears to be part of another personal pursuit — becoming completely fucking obnoxious. MORE »
Dick of the Week
This Week’s Dick: Rosie O’Donnell
Shannon Hassett :: Friday, April 30th, 2010 5:00 pm
Rosie O’Donnell, you dick! But really, Rosie O’Donnell, do you have a dick? In a move this week shocking to no one, the definitive D-lister decided it was time for her comeback. Washed out but not oblivious, Rosie knew a sex tape would be the ultimate nogo, so she did the next best thing: attacked Lindsay Lohan.
While little LiLo has long been on the outs herself, it’s the type of nosedive ripe for resurgence, which she was clearly poised to do in a matter of weeks. Kicked off her latest movie, forced to watch as her Father gets engaged to a girl her own age (23), banned from her favorite VIP clubs and then the picture with the gun on twitter, LIndsay was reaching rock bottom right on schedule. All that was left of the master plan was for a gracious, benevolent Hollywood royal to sweep her into rehab, put her in her next movie and pacify American’s concerned conscious in the process (not to mention contribute some serious brownie points to her own career).
Way to fuck it up, Rosie. I didn’t think it was possible, but you actually seem even less qualified to dispense advice to celebrity train wrecks than Dr. Drew, whose coattails you are unabashedly tugging in your attempt to “save” Lindsay. Go adopt another child and leave the Hollywood orphans on public display where they belong.
Dick of the Week
Dick of the Week: New York Times
Shannon Hassett :: Friday, February 19th, 2010 7:00 pm
New York Times, you dick! While you may not have started the slew of rumors surrounding your little ‘expose’ on Governor David Paterson, your refusal to comment on the situation makes you no better than the gossip whoring social media mongers you were attempting to rise above. An aide that quickly rose through the ranks with a six figure salary to match? Overall laziness and some expensive dinners charged to the campaign budget now and then? We’re not talking pre-Clinton politics here, and I want some sexy laundry in my career ending journalistic endeavors. Look, I get it; some dude at the Observer decided to ask his fellow tweeters what they had heard about your upcoming piece on Paterson, and it was soon the shot heard ’round the world wide web. With Paterson’s reelection bid already healthily on its way out prior to printing, you were to be the final nail in the gubernatorial coffin — and you failed! I’m not criticizing your use of unmitigated rumors to sell some papers — times are hard, and over here in print media, we’ve got to be willing to take on new lows — but when those rumors begin to make their way into the realm of the real, you have to fess up. The murder of a political career is a terrible thing to waste.
Dick of the Week
Dick Of The Week: Hayley Franklin, First Grader
Amy Rose Spiegel :: Friday, February 12th, 2010 5:20 pm
Hayley Franklin, you six-year-old dick! News broke this week that Hayley Franklin, a first-grade student at Parkway Elementary School in St. Lucie County, Florida, began a violent, hour-long tantrum when her teacher asked her to do something. She flailed, kicked, screamed, and caused bodily harm to at least one of the school’s staff members - most notably, PUNCHING HER EIGHT-MONTHS-PREGNANT PRINCIPAL IN THE STOMACH. She actually had to be put in handcuffs in order to keep her restrained.
Dick of the Week
This Week’s Dick: Old Age
Matt Kiebus :: Friday, January 29th, 2010 2:45 pm
Old age you dick! Getting old really sucks. I really thought all those crazy ideas from 80s movies would be in full effect by now, we would be living well into our 100s, and thriving. We wants to get old? You start stealing batteries, eating prunes and having dinner at 5pm. You get all wrinkly, have trouble walking, hearing, seeing, and thinking. In the truly terrible cases you suffer from erectile dysfunction. I mean damn, what are the perks? Retiring from work to watch your children and grandchildren have all the fun? No one wants to being playing Chinese checkers while their grandson is doing a keg stand. Someone has got to find that shifty fountain of youth, quick.
Old age claimed the lives of two great geezers this week, JD Salinger and Howard Zinn, at 91 and 87 years old, respectively. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye continues to influence teens over 50 years since it’s been published. Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States changed the way U.S. history has been taught in schools across the country.
They got old, they died, and the world is going to miss them. Old age sucks.
Dick of the Week
This Week’s Dick: Pat Robertson
Amy Rose Spiegel :: Friday, January 15th, 2010 2:00 pm
Pat Robertson, you dick! Normally it’s cute when senile old men say dumb things, but this week that consistently crazy TV Evangelist didn’t take his medicine. The guy is a politically incorrect joke waiting to happen. He probably believes in ghosts, curses, witch doctors, and that the south will rise again. What a foolish old dick.
Blame the people trapped under buildings for the earthquake, classy. I think he’s secretly scared that a Voodoo priest will shrink his head. Rumor has it he thought the tsunami was cool too, probably thought those people on vacation were hot in the sun could use a refreshing splash.
Dick of the Week
This Week’s Dick: Bernie Kerik
Brenna Ehrlich :: Friday, November 6th, 2009 5:55 pm
What is it with dudes named Bernie? Do they have the fuck-people-over gene welded into their DNA, ala The Lucifer Principle? Bernie K., for one, became the very first NYPD police commissioner to admit to committing a crime when he owned up to a myriad of truly dickish offenses this week, including taking a mammoth payoff from a mob-linked contractor and then lying to Bush about it. Granted, lying to Bush demolishes some of his street cred in Dickville-but, still Bernie, you are the reason why the majority of America adheres to the philosophy: “Fuck da police.” You might not be as bad as some other coppers (unless you also tortured suspects with electric shocks and phone book wallops), but due to the fact that you are a dirty, cheating, lying liar-type, you have earned the distinction of being the dick of the week-a title that could very well become your prison nickname as well.
Dick of the Week
This Week’s Dick: Kanye West
Craig Gaffney :: Friday, September 18th, 2009 7:55 pm
Kanye West, you dick! Did you have to snatch the microphone out of Taylor Swift’s hands at the VMA’s on Sunday? Hey, at least you were big enough to apologize on Jay Leno the following night (there was an apology in there somewhere right?). Bottom line, no man should go to such lengths to publicly declare “THE BEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME,” and not pay tribute to Lionel Richie’s “Dancing on the Ceiling?”
Perhaps “dick” just doesn’t quite do it justice? But what else could be said of you? Ah yes, “he’s a Jackass!” Proving once again Obama can articulate just about everything better than you and I.
