Comebacks?, Lists

Golden Girls: Five Elderly Singers Who Deserve The Betty White Treatment

Amy Rose Spiegel :: Wednesday, June 9th, 2010 3:30 pm

Betty White has become a Golden Girl in more than one sense of the word, which is to say that her recent career relaunch has confirmed her status as America’s most beloved octogenarian. She gets tons of press, she has a new television show, Hot in Cleveland, debuting this month, and she has been quoted as wanting to get down and dirty with Robert Redford. Basically, she’s untouchable. People fall all over themselves to celebrate her lengthy and accomplished acting career, and rightly so. But what about the ancient musicians of the world? Don’t they deserve some recognition, or at least, a few Facebook campaigns?  Below, a list of the elderly songbirds we’d like to see get the Betty White treatment.

Gladys Knight got some recent recognition for performing at Michael Jackson’s funeral and is said to be releasing an album produced by Randy Jackson in the future. She’s definitely got a great platform for a huge comeback. I think she should go the route of just about every soul singer who was once popular and do some duet with Alicia Keys about “respecting the woman inside you” or some such and make suggestive remarks about her friendship with Tito Jackson to People (This woman has a lot of Jacksons in her life). Viola, instant career revival!

Nancy Sinatra, who turned seventy yesterday. One idea: A performance of “These Boots Were Made For Walkin’” into “Can’t Be Tamed” with Miley Cyrus, complete with intergenerational fake lesbian kiss. Welcome back to the limelight, Ms. Sinatra.  We’ve missed you.

Joan Jett might have to work a little harder to shock the press into paying attention, seeing as ever since The Runaways came out, she’s been performing on talk shows, etc. with minimal notice from midwestern moms and Internet-addicted adolescents, which are the people who are arguably most in control of who gets famous. Once you win with them, you’ve made it, and Joan’s got a little ways to go. A reality show in which she shows straight-laced teens what it’s like to rock would probably fit in nicely with VH1’s current line-up, as well as spawn a whole audience of not-entirely-ironic viewers!  Rock on!

Dionne Warwick might not be aware of the fact that tons of Brooklyn girls in their 20s are trying to bite her 1960s style, but it’s time to take back the throne. She should start a chillwave band, or at least throw down some impressive harmonies on a few Best Coast tracks. The thing that’s really missing from today’s fake-ass sixties pop are vocals that are actually good, and Ms. Warwick could fill that void. I can totally picture her in a wolf t-shirt and pegged acid-wash jeans.

Cher…oh, wait.  Cher will never need a comeback because she’ll always be awesome.  Nevermind!

One Response to “Golden Girls: Five Elderly Singers Who Deserve The Betty White Treatment”
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