A Review Of Elliot Allagash By An Attractive Girl - As Imagined By Simon Rich, Author of Elliot Allagash

Simon Rich :: Tuesday, May 25th, 2010 4:30 pm

Simon Rich is perhaps the funniest writer in America. A writer for Saturday Night Live, the show has enjoyed a serious upswing in funniness under his tutelage. His first two books of short essays, Ant Farm and Free Range Chickens, are some of the most hysterical writing you’ll find anywhere, and his fantastic debut novel, Elliot Allagash, releases today. Rich was kind enough to review it have his extremely attractive female review it for us.

Until discovering Elliot Allagash, I was only attracted to tall, virile men. But this novel was so hilariously funny that it turned my entire worldview upside down. I am now attracted exclusively to comedy writers, and specifically, to Simon Rich.

As soon as I finished Elliot Allagash, I thought to myself: “Wow. Whoever wrote this book seems intelligent, charming and sexually normal.” Intrigued, I decided to flip to the author photo. That’s when my attraction to Mr. Rich turned into a kind of physical obsession.

I mean, look how cool this guy looks!

His choice in shirt tells me that he’s hip and stylish, but his blazer tells me that he also has a certain gravitas about him. Also, I can tell by the way he’s tilting his head that this is a perfectly natural pose. Nothing about the photograph strikes me as “forced” or “studied.” I’m sure it took Mr. Rich just a few seconds to snap it and that he was never rude to the photographer or “got weird” around her.

Here are some other observations I had about the book:

-At 224 pages, Elliot Allagash is significantly shorter than an average novel.  In addition, the font size is large, the margins are wide and the pages are unusually small and square-shaped. I’m sure Mr. Rich made these design choices based on his aesthetic preferences and not in an effort to disguise his novel’s word-count, which is low by any standard.

-Even though the vast majority of characters in this book are male, and women are relegated almost entirely to supporting roles, whose contributions to the plot are largely sexual, I am somehow not offended by this.

-Judd Apatow’s blurb on the back cover was incredibly generous! It also seemed very naturally worded. I’m sure Mr. Apatow offered the praise voluntarily, and not at the end of a hysterical, pleading phone call from the book’s author.

-This book reminds me of The Magic Christian, Terry Southern’s beloved novel about a madcap billionaire prankster. It doesn’t remind me too much of The Magic Christian, though. What I’m saying is: Elliot Allagash is an original work and in no way plagiarized.

I’ve already bought four copies of Elliot Allagash, three to give to my sorority sisters and one to carry around with me at all times, as a kind of religious talisman. Someday I’ll meet Mr. Rich and ask him to sign it. And then the two of us will make love — incredibly quickly — because that is my preference. It’s only a matter of time.

-Simon Rich is a staff writer for Saturday Night Live, and author of Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations and Free Range Chickens. Elliot Allagash, his first novel, is on sale today.