Celebrities, News, Pop Culture

Amanda Bynes Announces Retirement from Acting; Minutes Later, Penelope Taynt Found Hanging in Hollywood Hills Apartment

Elisabeth Dickson :: Monday, June 21st, 2010 1:18 pm

Amanda Bynes, the 24-year old star of “She’s the Man” and the soon-to-be-released “Easy A,” announced her retirement from acting on Twitter yesterday. In possibly related news, Bynes super-fan and “Amanda Show” co-star Penelope Taynt was found dead in her Hollywood Hills studio apartment this morning of an apparent hanging suicide. She is survived by her parents, her cat Maisie and the 1.5 people reading this post who will understand this reference.

Bynes defended her decision to retire at the age of 24 by explaining to her 337,000 followers that acting in films such as “Hairspray” and “What a Girl Wants” “isn’t as fun as it may seem.” “If I don’t love something anymore I stop doing it,” she Tweeted last Saturday. “I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it. I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first I’ve retired.” The following is a retrospective of some of her finest moments as we mourn the loss of one of cinema’s most adorable Jews:

“The Amanda Show” (1999-2001): a less urban spin-off of “All That,” “The Amanda Show” premiered when Bynes was just 13, making her one of the youngest television stars to ever host her own show. The only thing I remember about it is being embarrassed for the adult actors on the show, whose roles consisted of dressing up as lobsters and flinging poo at each other; nevertheless, the show ran for four seasons, long enough for Amanda to parlay its success into a film career.

“Big Fat Liar,” 2002: Amanda’s feature film debut alongside “Malcolm in the Middle” star Frankie Muniz, an actor whose fame was directly proportional to his profound lack of cuteness. The movie had a domestic gross of $47 million, proof of Amanda’s box office appeal (as well as her ability to fill out a hot pink tank top).

“What a Girl Wants” (2003): The premise of “What a Girl Wants” is simple: an American girl (Bynes) finds out that her mom was a slore and boned a lot of dudes, including a British politician (Colin Firth). Amanda flies to England to find him and hijinks ensue (as hijinks are wont to do). The movie is basically a montage of reasons why British people are prudish and awful, but Amanda gives a sparkling performance as the spunky American girl who makes cultural relativism and jingoism look charming.

4) “She’s the Man” (2006): “She’s the Man” is a cult classic amongst stoners who will watch any shitty movie that’s played 500 times on HBO, and rightfully so: a retelling of “Twelfth Night” set in a New England boarding school, “She’s the Man” is hip (for 2006) and occasionally very funny, with a script that doesn’t make you want to flog yourself repeatedly. The movie is also a perfect showcase for Bynes’ acting chops. As both the lovestruck Viola and her twin Sebastian, Bynes’ performance is a flawless amalgam of pathos and PG humor, providing the viewer with a glimpse of the Bynes that Could Have Been.

Sadly, any aspirations towards future Streep-dom were cruelly dashed by Bynes’ Twitter retirement Saturday, an abrupt end to what was once an extremely promising career. Although Bynes’ star had started to fade long before she announced her plans to retire (as far as I can tell, she’s spent most of 2010 spray-tanning and posting about having sex with black men on Twitter), her decision to go gently into the good night of C-list obscurity is a surprisingly dignified one (assuming that Bynes won’t pull a Joaquin Phoenix and these retirement plans will take.) Neil Young once said that it is better to burn out than fade away: with her departing Tweets, Amanda Bynes definitively proves this maxim once and for all.

4 Responses to “Amanda Bynes Announces Retirement from Acting; Minutes Later, Penelope Taynt Found Hanging in Hollywood Hills Apartment”
  1. What are her plans, does anyone know?

    Posted by: Jenna June 22nd, 2010 at 10:45 am
  2. Evidently she is too busy boning black guys, so her Tweets say.

    Posted by: Jim Bob June 22nd, 2010 at 4:15 pm
  3. It’s a shame to see such a good actress go. Although it would be nice to see her stay and make more films, we all have to learn to let go. It’s saddening, really, but we’ll all probably watch all of her movies over and over again until out eyes are fried. :) We’ll miss you Amanda!

    Posted by: Abby June 22nd, 2010 at 4:52 pm
  4. This guy’s a barbarian; the Amanda Show was often unwatchably gross, it was also often hilarious. Courtney’s piano lesson was the funniest skit ever on TV. We will miss you, Amanda.

    Posted by: OldUncleSteve June 22nd, 2010 at 5:40 pm